Monday, March 22, 2010

Some days just need a good cry.

I didn't have any great post for today, no cute pictures of Leena.
My day was filled with an adorable little girl, a wonderful letter from my new penpal Danielle, from Biscuit, and a handsome and loving husband making me black bean nachos and not looking at me like I was insane for talking about becoming a Pescatarian.

My Aunt turned older than dirt today. ;) Love you Aunt Robyn. hehe. Every year she gives me a hard time about having to have my OWN birthday and waiting a day after her birthday to come out of my mommy. (Well, yeah, it's all about ME dur.) Anywho, I hope you had a wonderful day and I'll talk to you tomorrow when you call!

I was turned onto the best website today. Go get some hope. :)

Leena cracks me up and at the same time I get sad that is this how she hears me. I took Brownie outside to go potty and she stood at the screen door and said, "Doggie, here, NOW" all while patting her leg in the dog beckoning kind of way. Then at bed time when daddy was being silling and rocking her bed, she stared him down and said, "Daddy stop moving bed!" Then continued giving the stink eye for a good while, while finishing her milk.


Then my night finished off with some good soul soothing crying. I talked to my Aunt Nee for a good long time tonight and we talked through many feelings and fears we've had and have been to scared to verbalize.
It's been 7 months since my grandfather died. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him, that I don't feel him walking with me, that I don't feel him guiding me and hear him laughing at the crazy things little Miss Leena does.
He is far from dead in my heart. He's with me 100%. I see him in everything. I see him in Leena, in the way my husband cares for me and her, in the way I am moving forward in my life and the direction it's taking. My husband has so many wonderful qualities of my grandfather. They loved eachother dearly and I loved watching them talk and "hang out."

I don't feel like delving too much into this all again, twice in the same night. Can't do it. Won't do it.

Aren't my Grandpa and Grandma gorgeous?!

Oh how he loved Maui.

He was perfect and you could tell he was so proud to hand me off to marry Joey. He truly loved Joey.

I made him dance to the Macarena. ;)

This photo is soon to be hanging in our house. One of the best parts that this photo does not capture is my grandma in a car behind us HONKING the whole way while he drove us to our apartment. The look of anger followed by cheering for Joey and I by fellow drivers was priceless when they would look over and see the signs and me in my dress.

This was when they came to visit us in Louisiana to help us out with moving into our new home, which he never got to see and to help Joey out while I was recovering from surgery on my deviated septum.

My wonderful Aunt Nee and Grandpa enjoying each other and a beautiful sunset in Maui. This photo says it all.

He loves that baby girl. I know he is still watching her grow up.


I leave you with this last photo that I did not even a month after he died. I was challenged to interpret certain bible verses in photos. This was an extremely emotional photo for me to do, but still EXACTLY represents how I am feeling.

This is what I wrote that night:

102/365 " Luke 11:09"
And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

So this image has a lot of meaning to me. There is nothing I want more in this world than to have my grandpa back. I keep thinking that I'm living in a dream right now, a very very elaborate dream. I ask for him to be alive, I ask to just be crazy and to have just made up this crazy story, I ask for my head to stop being cluttered with all the thoughts that I am going to open the door and he'll be there telling me it's all okay.

I ask you God, please bring my grandfather back.

I wish I wasn't asking too much.

Well now that I am fully cried out, who am I kidding, I could still keep going but I won't, I will finish with that.
Peace and love to you all.

4 comments:

O Bella Naturals said...

This post brought tears to my eyes, Katelyn. Your love for your grandfather is absolutely tangible in your words, how beautiful the last photo is with the verse. Very moving. Thank you for sharing this piece of you with us, what a special thing to be that close to your grandfather.

Violet Bella said...

im glad you had a good cry, sometimes this is sooo needed. i just cried reading this, really when i got to your image of your grandpa standing at the door and you spilling you drink, i started to cry. i know exactly how you feel. and with my mom being gone, i can say that feeling doesnt really go away, it just gets the best of you fewer and farther between. i got to a point where i can just get the biggest smile on my face when i think of her because i feel so blessed to have even had her in my life. but then somedays i still just lose it, and a cry is much needed.

i love how much family means to you, you are teaching Leena some really good things about life and love. she is going to be an amazing little girl because of you.

Peace Love and Leener said...

Reading these comments made me tear up. You two are such beautiful people.
Laura, your mother helped form a beautiful individual. I am so blessed to have met you.

Thank you two. I don't know what more I can say at this moment. My thoughts are all jumbled and I can't really find the words to say. I just want you two to know how much your comments mean to me.

<3

penny threads. said...

love you girlie. sorry i haven't been around to provide any encouragement but i just wanted to say how beautiful your heart is and i can see what a wonderful man, father, grandfather, husband and person your grandpa must have been. your photo and the verse after is so touching and heartfelt. thank you for sharing this. much love katelyn. i just adore you and your amazing family.